New World Order: The Final Solution

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The Warlock of Albany

Orchards near the house

February 22, 2024

Garrett, having made five successful films in Burbank California, has also made a small fortune in the process. He gets out of bed and walks out onto the deck for an appraisal of the day as he always does. Today, however, when he scans the familiar landscape there is something strangely wrong. This bothers him, but he can't quite decide what it is, and so decides to look again after his breakfast coffee.

As he walks into the kitchen something the size of a dog runs out from under the table and viciously bites his ankle, leaving a big bloody wound. Garrett screams in pain and horror. It then scurries back under the table.

The creature has the body of a huge tarantula, but with the head of Clifton Farrell. The teeth are much longer than normal and are wet, dripping with Garrett's blood. The Farris-arachnid looks up at Garrett and says in a sinister mocking redneck voice "Appears like it's gonna be a whole different ballgame from now on, don't it boy?"

Garrett stares in disbelief,  screams again in raw terror, and goes to fetch his pistol. Suddenly he jerks awake, safe in bed, feeling very relieved. "To hell with this bullshit. I need some time off" he says aloud.

March 12, 2024

"It's about time MacFarland!" says Garrett as he takes delivery of his new silver Porsche 911 Turbo Carrera. "I'm going back East for awhile and I'll need the all-wheel-drive."

"Why back East?"

"Well, I've been working pretty hard the past few years. It's time for a little high quality nookie while I still can. These leathery women out here are just too dry for me" says Garrett innocently, meaning nothing in particular.

MacFarland, however, thinking of his ex-wife whose mummified body was found by police in an unpaid mini storage unit some years ago, frowns.

"Just kidding, Mac. Actually it's more a question of real estate."

"You gonna keep doing movies?"

"When I get back." Looking at the car "Better turn her off. Don't want the old girl to overheat."

March 21, 2024

Just before dawn Garrett slides into the Porsche and heads east out of LA.

After two days visiting friends in Las Vegas he hits the open desert. The sky is very blue with beautiful orangey morning clouds and Garrett feels invigorated. The Porsche accelerates very quickly to 150 MPH.

Out loud to himself "I can't believe how fast this is. The Talon was awesome driving out here, but this..."  The road stretches out like a ribbon endlessly ahead. The Porsche devours it smoothly all day. Occasionally the ribbon veers around a mountain, sometimes into merciful shade.

Albany New York. The hilltop location is very beautiful. The lawn gives way to horse and cow pasture, and this to apple orchard stretching gently down, all the way to the river meandering away in the distance.

Garrett sees the house. For some reason it looks much better than in the pictures. Truly a small Chateau. Fifteen thousand square feet. Three floors fifty by one hundred. All of hewn grey granite. Low Country Gothic in the tradition of the wealthy Hudson River Valley Dutch.

The towers at each corner will defend these walls against the legions of mediocrity. The pointed roofs are clad with chalky looking blue green copper. "Like Witches' hats" thinks Garrett lovingly.

He gets out of the car. The broker, Marge Trimble, a tall foxy brunette about thirty eight, greets him warmly. "I hope you've eaten. Showing this will take at least three hours."

"Or hopefully a bit longer" says Garrett with a wink. Marge smiles and opens the huge heavy oak door. Garrett follows her inside and gazes with delight at the front hall. Golden feather-edged oak paneling for the wainscoting. Above this maroon Lincrusta. Above this, even the ceiling is oak paneled.

Marge turns right and Garrett follows her into the library. The paneled oak in this room is a deep orange brown. Huge fireplace with navy blue tile. The mantel is supported by Temple of the Winds spiral pillars with Ram's Horn capitals, all hand carved. Above three complex chandeliers made from stag antlers. "Beautiful!" he exclaims. They tour efficiently, but, showing the house still takes two and a half hours.

Then they start on the outbuildings. The immense barn is finer than most houses. Wainscoting in the horse stalls, but it's the hippodrome that catches Garrett' attention. All paneled like a British men's club in a reddish brown stained oak similar to the library, but with more of a "country style" oil finish.

The entire space is about two hundred feet square with steel roof spanners allowing for no vertical members interrupting the expanse of floor. "Unbelievable" Garrett sighs with delight as his imagination swells. "Le Chambre D'Art. An outdoorsy forest theme. With the horse stalls converted to nice living quarters, I can accommodate a good many sweethearts in this place" thinks Garrett to himself.

Luckily the house is mostly furnished, and not that badly. The former owners had very good taste and acquired things all over the world. Garrett feels like he's back at the mansion in Lyndonville Vermont, but on an even grander scale. He decides not to become attached to any of the stuff even though he likes much of it. It takes about four months to do all the renovations. Garrett sells the unwanted items and acquires a few additional pieces.

During this period Garrett first has the hippodrome floor done with beautiful polished terrazzo made from blue-gray granite. He also has thirty six large stag antler chandeliers similar to the one in the library custom made to illuminate the entire chamber.

Now Garrett has the horse stalls converted into nice living quarters. This is easy because most of the necessary wiring and plumbing are already in place. While the men work on this he has heavy wooden tables placed at the four cardinal points in the hippodrome.

He gathers dried grapevines and entwines them through the ceiling spanners so they look as though they grew that way. With bundled cornstalks and pumpkins he decorates the entire hippodrome. All this takes many days, but once the proper minerals and other ritual items are in place the entire effect is absolutely splendid. Rich, but earthy. Opulent, but natural. Like the hall of an Elfin King.

In the evenings Garrett gets on the Internet and joins dating sites in New York City. At the end of the four months he heads down state to meet all the beauties he has contacted. It's now early September. Another six weeks passes as he dates and cultivates these ladies. When he returns to Albany he has fourteen beautiful women, ranging from nineteen to thirty two, who have agreed to live with him.

When they arrive Garrett shows them the property, and on the huge terrace overlooking the river valley, addresses his Witches thusly:

"Dearest ladies. Today marks the fulfillment of my lifelong dream to be the priapic male in a kindred group of fifteen living together in a pleasant country home. We will have a nice vegetable garden which I will tend. I will also tend to all the needs both physical and spiritual of my fourteen beauties. As I am sure you all know, I have the energy to do this, and make a fine intellectual companion as well.

Many of the girls look at each other smiling with delight at the good-natured arrogance of this strange and loving man.

There will, of course, be certain house rules which I will now read if I may:

"1. Ladies must take care of their own pets.

2. No birds or animals in cages. They are not criminals.

3. Pets allowed only in the dining hall where the floor is tile.

4. Dogs will be encouraged to beg food at table and to catch it  .
when tossed.

5. Each lady can instruct me in special methods ff pleasing her.
     If I do not give enough pleasure, please devise incentives.

6. Outside boyfriends will not allowed on property.

7. Each lady must take care of her own groceries and personal expenses.

8. Any lady who is unhappy should speak to me openly of this.

9. After one month, ladies can choose a leader to assist in ritual at Full Moon and Sabbats.

"I am speaking about a life filled with love and caring. This arrangement makes it easy to afford clothes and automobiles. Eventually each lady will want a younger man and possibly a family. I will be sorry when that happens, of course, but every good rooster knows that he must please all his hens."

The girls unpack and relax just in time for an awesome naked Samhain Ritual with Garrett as Priapic Celebrant. He enjoys orgiastic sex with many of them afterward and on a spontaneous basis thereafter.

Most of the girls have brought computers with them and one morning at breakfast Garrett addresses them in the kitchen. He reveals the next part of his plan.

"A man like me needs at very least one hundred and seventy girlfriends to be truly happy. Thirteen covens of fourteen Witches each. In the large rituals on Sabbat days an entire coven to represent each sign of the Zodiac. Three covens at each of the four quarters. Plus one coven with twelve Witches as ruler of each of the other covens. The other two will assist me in ritual. Total one hundred seventy. We only need one hundred and fifty six more Witches. I'm hoping you can help out by getting on the Internet to round em up."

The girls place ads, post to message boards, and join dating websites. Within no time Garrett begins to have dialogs with beautiful Pagan girls worldwide about coming to Albany.

All of this wholesome success begins to attract the jealous attention of prudish perverted individuals and groups. The girls begin to receive nasty letters from a great many sexually repressed individuals whose inferior moral development makes no allowance for the Liberty of others. Several stupid complaints are filed and thrown out of court as simply un-American.

In one case, a league of religious "housewives and mothers" headed by a morbidly obese lesbian, files a lawsuit to stop "this terrible immorality of open promiscuity in our midst." As coincidence will have it, one day the leader is abducted, stripped naked, and whipped by a group of four attractive young couples who then force the sow into close attendance while they enjoy normal uninhibited sex for hours on blankets in the woods. Later, for some reason or another, our stalwart civic leader decides to call off the lawsuit.




There continue to be many similar incidents. There are legal battles, and whenever possible, expedient extralegal remedies. Garrett and his freethinking ladies win against the evil of cowardice every time. Within three months there are one hundred and seventy girls living in the special quarters. The field next to the barns has become a parking lot for sports cars of every variety.

May 1, 2025

An order-founding is performed at solar noon in the hippodrome. Garrett Phelan Valdison is at the ready as Priapic Celebrant for one hundred and seventy beautiful naked Witches. This event has been preceded by one month of celibacy for Garrett. Liz, the most wicked of all the Witches is tall, beautiful, and voluptuous with long light brown hair. She has a pointed nose like, and looks just like what she is, a big sexy Witch. She has been teasing Garrett mercilessly for days and he's hornier than an Old Billy Goat.

August, 2025

The whole world is now abuzz about the "Warlock of Albany". Thousands of women from all over the planet write to Garrett offering themselves sexually. They come to Albany in droves creating great prosperity for local motel and restaurant owners. Garrett services just as many of them as his health will permit.

Garrett now initiates his long term plan to save the world by putting the first book, "The Doctrine of Uninhibited Moral Living" free on the Internet. Because of his recent notoriety, people everywhere begin to read it, at first just out of curiosity, but actually find that they agree with the ideas and then strongly recommend it to others. From the first chapter:

"The biggest private personal struggle in life is between what we want to do and what we think society will condemn us for doing:  Desire vs. Inhibition,  Reptilian Complex vs. Cerebral Cortex, Archetypal Yearning vs. Learned Guilt, Id vs. Superego.

It is wrongly asserted that man must overcome his animal nature before he can develop his spiritual nature. The animal in man is a foundation and energy source upon which to build. One cannot be a good human without being a good animal first. Animals do not live immorally. The task is to fully realize the glory and perfection of the animal nature while at the same time developing the intellectual and spiritual natures.

People use tobacco, alcohol, and drugs to disable the superego component of the cerebral cortex so that the id component of the reptilian complex can predominate. So they can let Mr Hyde out for awhile and blame it on the drug later. When Jekyll and Hyde reconcile, people don't need drugs or excuses. When the two natures finally get on the same page most of life's problems disappear.

Simple animal pleasure and evil are not the same thing. One of the greatest keys to being well adjusted and happy is to eliminate this false conflict. The fact that popular institutions have fed on perpetuating repression need not deter the individual in this regard. All of this is, of course, just a folksy way of explaining well established Freudian principles."

Valdison's plan and timing are on target because the book becomes one of the most widely read in all of human history. Within a few months it is rapidly becoming the new sexual ethic for America and the World.

August 31, 2025

Poll results are announced by the media showing that a majority of people on Earth have moved to eclectic evolutionary spirituality. Neurosis and arbitrary violence, plus drug, alcohol, tobacco, spectator sports, virtual reality, and video game enslavement are rapidly disappearing from the planet. There is a new happiness, but also a new seriousness. People are turning away from short term escapist diversions to thoughtful action connected with the long term future of mankind.

Garrett is sitting on his deck overlooking Lake Tahoe eating a nice breakfast of salmon steak with buttermilk biscuits, Monterey Jack, and raspberries as he hears the good news on TV.

"Holy Mataskeezits! That's Shomnifica" says Garrett as he looks at Liz with a loving twinkle in his eye. "Fillet Minot tonight, Bimbo?" she lobbies gleefully.