February 22, 2024
Garrett, having made five successful films in Burbank California, has also made a small fortune
in the process. He gets out of bed and walks out onto the deck for an appraisal of the day
as he always does. Today, however, when he scans the familiar landscape there is something strangely wrong. This
bothers him, but he can't quite decide what it is, and so decides to look again after his breakfast coffee.
As he walks into the kitchen something the size of a dog runs out from under the table and viciously
bites his ankle, leaving a big bloody wound. Garrett screams in pain and horror. It then scurries back under the table.
The creature has the body of a huge tarantula, but with the head of Clifton Farrell. The teeth
are much longer than normal and are wet, dripping with Garrett's blood. The Farris-arachnid looks up at Garrett and says
in a sinister mocking redneck voice "Appears like it's gonna be a whole different ballgame from now on, don't it boy?"
Garrett stares in disbelief, screams again in raw terror, and goes to fetch his pistol. Suddenly
he jerks awake, safe in bed, feeling very relieved. "To hell with this bullshit. I need some time off" he says aloud.
March 12, 2024
"It's about time MacFarland!" says Garrett as he takes delivery of his new silver Porsche 911 Turbo
Carrera. "I'm going back East for awhile and I'll need the all-wheel-drive."
"Why back East?"
"Well, I've been working pretty hard the past few years. It's time for a little high quality nookie
while I still can. These leathery women out here are just too dry for me" says Garrett innocently, meaning nothing
MacFarland, however, thinking of his ex-wife whose mummified body was found by police in an
unpaid mini storage unit some years ago, frowns.
"Just kidding, Mac. Actually it's more a question of real estate."
"You gonna keep doing movies?"
"When I get back." Looking at the car "Better turn her
off. Don't want the old girl to overheat."
March 21, 2024
Just before dawn Garrett slides into the Porsche and heads east out of LA.
After two days visiting friends in Las Vegas he hits the open desert. The sky is very blue with
beautiful orangey morning clouds and Garrett feels invigorated. The Porsche accelerates very quickly to 150 MPH.
Out loud to himself "I can't believe how fast this is. The Talon was awesome driving out here,
but this..." The road stretches out like a ribbon endlessly ahead. The Porsche devours it smoothly all day. Occasionally
the ribbon veers around a mountain, sometimes into merciful shade.
Albany New York. The hilltop location is very beautiful. The lawn gives way to horse
and cow pasture, and this to apple orchard stretching gently down, all the way to the river meandering away in
Garrett sees the house. For some reason it looks much better than in the pictures. Truly
a small Chateau. Fifteen thousand square feet. Three floors fifty by one hundred. All of hewn grey granite. Low Country
Gothic in the tradition of the wealthy Hudson River Valley Dutch.
The towers at each corner will defend these walls against the legions of mediocrity. The pointed
roofs are clad with chalky looking blue green copper. "Like Witches' hats" thinks Garrett lovingly.
He gets out of the car. The broker, Marge Trimble, a tall foxy brunette about thirty eight, greets
him warmly. "I hope you've eaten. Showing this will take at least three hours."
"Or hopefully a bit longer" says Garrett with a wink. Marge smiles and opens the huge heavy oak
door. Garrett follows her inside and gazes with delight at the front hall. Golden feather-edged oak paneling for the wainscoting.
Above this maroon Lincrusta. Above this, even the ceiling is oak paneled.
Marge turns right and Garrett follows her into the library. The paneled oak in this room is a deep orange
brown. Huge fireplace with navy blue tile. The mantel is supported by Temple of the Winds spiral pillars with Ram's Horn
capitals, all hand carved. Above three complex chandeliers made from stag antlers. "Beautiful!" he exclaims. They
tour efficiently, but, showing the house still takes two and a half hours.
Then they start on the outbuildings. The immense barn is finer than most houses. Wainscoting in
the horse stalls, but it's the hippodrome that catches Garrett' attention. All paneled like a British men's club in a reddish
brown stained oak similar to the library, but with more of a "country style" oil finish.
The entire space is about two hundred feet square with steel roof spanners allowing for no vertical
members interrupting the expanse of floor. "Unbelievable" Garrett sighs with delight as his imagination swells. "Le Chambre
D'Art. An outdoorsy forest theme. With the horse stalls converted to nice living quarters, I can accommodate a good many
sweethearts in this place" thinks Garrett to himself.
Luckily the house is mostly furnished, and not that badly. The former owners had very good taste
and acquired things all over the world. Garrett feels like he's back at the mansion in Lyndonville Vermont, but on an even grander
scale. He decides not to become attached to any of the stuff even though he likes much of it. It takes about four months to
do all the renovations. Garrett sells the unwanted items and acquires a few additional pieces.
During this period Garrett first has the hippodrome floor done with beautiful polished terrazzo
made from blue-gray granite. He also has thirty six large stag antler chandeliers similar to the one in the library custom
made to illuminate the entire chamber.
Now Garrett has the horse stalls converted into nice living quarters. This is easy because most
of the necessary wiring and plumbing are already in place. While the men work on this he
has heavy wooden tables placed at the four cardinal points in the hippodrome.
He gathers dried grapevines and entwines them through the ceiling spanners so they look as though
they grew that way. With bundled cornstalks and pumpkins he decorates the entire hippodrome. All this takes many days, but
once the proper minerals and other ritual items are in place the entire effect is absolutely splendid. Rich, but earthy.
Opulent, but natural. Like the hall of an Elfin King.
In the evenings Garrett gets on the Internet and joins dating sites in New York City. At the end
of the four months he heads down state to meet all the beauties he has contacted. It's now early September. Another six weeks passes as he dates and cultivates these ladies. When he returns to Albany he has fourteen beautiful
women, ranging from nineteen to thirty two, who have agreed to live with him.
When they arrive Garrett shows them the property, and on the huge terrace overlooking the river valley,
addresses his Witches thusly:
"Dearest ladies. Today marks the fulfillment of my lifelong dream to be the priapic male
in a kindred group of fifteen living together in a pleasant country home. We will have a nice vegetable garden which I will
tend. I will also tend to all the needs both physical and spiritual of my fourteen beauties. As I am sure you all know, I
have the energy to do this, and make a fine intellectual companion as well.
Many of the girls look at each other smiling with delight at the good-natured arrogance of this strange and loving
There will, of course, be certain house rules which I will now read if I may:
"1. Ladies must take care of their own pets.
2. No birds or animals in cages. They are not criminals.
3. Pets allowed only in the dining hall where the floor is tile.
4. Dogs will be encouraged to beg food at table and to catch it .
5. Each lady can instruct me in special methods ff pleasing her.
If I do
not give enough pleasure, please devise incentives.
6. Outside boyfriends will not allowed on property.
7. Each lady must take care of her own groceries and personal expenses.
8. Any lady who is unhappy should speak to me openly of this.
9. After one month, ladies can choose a leader to assist in ritual at Full Moon and Sabbats.
"I am speaking about a life filled with love and caring. This arrangement makes it easy to afford
clothes and automobiles. Eventually each lady will want a younger man and possibly a family. I will be sorry when that happens,
of course, but every good rooster knows that he must please all his hens."
The girls unpack and relax just in time for an awesome naked Samhain Ritual with Garrett as Priapic
Celebrant. He enjoys orgiastic sex with many of them afterward and on a spontaneous basis thereafter.
Most of the girls have brought computers with them and one morning at breakfast Garrett addresses
them in the kitchen. He reveals the next part of his plan.
"A man like me needs at very least one hundred and seventy girlfriends to be truly happy. Thirteen
covens of fourteen Witches each. In the large rituals on Sabbat days an entire coven to represent each sign of the Zodiac.
Three covens at each of the four quarters. Plus one coven with twelve Witches as ruler of each of the other covens. The other
two will assist me in ritual. Total one hundred seventy. We only need one hundred and fifty six more Witches. I'm hoping you
can help out by getting on the Internet to round em up."
The girls place ads, post to message boards, and join dating websites. Within no time Garrett begins
to have dialogs with beautiful Pagan girls worldwide about coming to Albany.
All of this wholesome success begins to attract the jealous attention of prudish perverted individuals
and groups. The girls begin to receive nasty letters from a great many sexually repressed individuals whose inferior moral
development makes no allowance for the Liberty of others. Several stupid complaints are filed and thrown out of court as simply
In one case, a league of religious "housewives and mothers" headed by a morbidly obese lesbian, files a lawsuit to
stop "this terrible immorality of open promiscuity in our midst." As coincidence will have it, one day the leader is abducted,
stripped naked, and whipped by a group of four attractive young couples who then force the sow into close attendance while
they enjoy normal uninhibited sex for hours on blankets in the woods. Later, for some reason or another, our stalwart civic
leader decides to call off the lawsuit.